掌管你的情感，就是掌管你的命運。
幾年前我曾替一個女子算命，她已屆適婚年齡，但卻沒有男朋友，婚訊似是遙遙無期，除了她很着急，她的父母也替她着急。於是來找我算命，並問我甚麼時候會結婚。
A few years ago, I did a reading for a woman. She was of marriageable age, but did not have a boyfriend. Any signs of marriage seemed to be far away. It was not just her who was anxious but her parents as well. So she came to me for fortune-telling and asked when I would get married.
她是來自一個香港的女子，生於一個中等的家庭，有一份穩定的工作。我看過她的八字後，心裏明白是甚麼一回事。大家可能不知道，兩個相同八字的人，在不同的地方成長，結果可能大不一樣。而這個八字，就是一個很明顯的例子，因為她處於一個戀愛方面很多波折的十年大運中。如果她成長於印度或中國，她應該就已結婚了，但現在卻是人來人往，沒有一個能留在身邊到結婚階段。
She was a Hongkonger, and was born in a middle-class family and held a stable job. After reading her bazi, I knew what it was all about. You may not know that if two people with the same bazi grow up in different places, the outcomes / results may be quite different. And this bazi is an obvious example, because she was in a challenging decade pillar in relation to her love life. If she had grown up in India or China, she should have been married, but for her, people do enter and leaves her life, with none of them staying to the stage of marriage.
我跟她說：「小姐，妳並不是沒有姻緣，而是無法守住妳跟對方的關係…」，她頻頻點頭稱是，並問我為甚麼會如此。我接着跟她說，如果你不是香港人，你很可能已經結婚了，她聽後大為諤然，為甚麼作為「香港人」就難以嫁出去呢！
I told her, "Miss, it is not that you have no marriage luck, but you can't keep your relationship with each other..." She nodded and asked me why this was the case. I then told her that if you are not a Hongkonger, you would have probably already been married. After hearing this, she was very stunned, why is it difficult to marry as a "Hongkonger"!
因為古時的女子，姻緣來到的時候，往往是由男家提親，無論成功與否，都是一年以內的事。現代人是自由戀愛，要看一個地方的風氣與習慣，如果習慣上是談戀愛一兩年之內結婚，那麼在八字的結婚年便容易成事。但香港人喜歡談好幾年戀愛，甚至喜歡同居五六年後才結婚。這種情況下，需要八字在這幾年當中，沒有戀愛波折的劣運才成。因為戀愛的日子，兩個人的關係並不如已婚者那般牢固，吵罵幾次可能就鬧分手了。若結婚者顧慮較多，例如雙方有共同的資產，甚至已生育了下一代，那麼遇上婚姻不好的流年，雙方便較願意忍讓，便不會那麼分開了。
This is because in ancient times, when it was time for marriages, it was usually the men who broached or brought up the topic. Whether they were successful or not, the outcome / result was usually within a year. Modern people pursue freedom in love, and this depends on the customs and habits of a place.
If it is customary to get married within one or two years of dating, then it will be easy to get married in the marriage year set out in the destiny holder’s bazi. Hongkongers however, like to have been in love for several years, and even live together for five or six years before getting married.
Under this circumstance, it would require the bazi in these few years to avoid bad luck in love for the relationship to be successful / proceed to marriage. This is because the relationship between two people is usually not as strong in a courtship as compared to that of a married couple, and the parties may break up after a few arguments. There are usually more considerations for a married couple, such as common assets or kids such that even when the marriage is going through challenging times, the parties involved are usually more willing to be patient and tend not to be as easily separated.
以上我這位女顧客，如果在姻緣年首一兩年就結婚了，那麼現在她的婚姻問題應該是如何與丈年相處好一點，而不是如何覓姻緣。當然，如果已婚者動不動就喊着要離婚，同樣是個問題，也同樣牽涉社會的風氣。
In relation to the above-mentioned female customer, if she had indeed gotten married, her problem now would instead be how to get along with her husband (instead of how to find a marriage). Of course, if married people call for divorce at every turn, this too is a problem, and it also involves social ethos / norms.
所以，不要認為一個人出生下來，便甚麼都改變不了，以為一切已經命定。不是這樣的，命運是可以改善的，我給了她一些改善的建議，不久她就告訴我，她結婚了。我們做算命師，是要告訴來客，他有甚麼問題需要修正，如何活出更美好而精彩的人生。
Therefore, don't think that when a person is born, nothing can be changed, and that everything is destined. This is not the case, fate can be improved. I gave her some suggestions with regards to her relationship, and not long after she informed me that she got married. As a fortune teller, we want to tell the client what problems he or she has, and possible solutions to fix the problems and how to live a better and wonderful life.
Yan Chan 陳一言
chanyiyan@gmail.com